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This will be a short one.

I am a hardcore NY Yankee fan and have attended a few games in my day. Yes, I know they didn’t make it past the “ALDS for the third consecutive year in a row” but c’mon, what team fuels excitement more than the all American sports team the Yankees? If there are any Boston fans out there reading this, you need not comment as you will receive a computer virus that will be detrimental to your health…..seriously.

Okay, so back to Baseball and Boneheads, most of us have attended a baseball game in some way, shape or form (box seats, bleachers, corporate suites, etc…). Some of us even bring our gloves in hopes to catch a fly ball that may be later autographed by a professional athlete right?

As I am sitting in the nose bleed section (for those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a seat that is so high up in the stadium that the air dries out and you just might get a bloody nose due to lack of humidity) at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx, I am munching on my ball park hot dog and throwing peanut shells on the ground when I hear an announcement:

“WARNING: DURING ALL BATTING PRACTICES, FIELDING PRACTICES, WARM-UPS AND THE COURSE OF THE GAME EXPERIENCE, HARD HIT BASEBALLS AND BATS AND FRAGMENTS THEREOF MAY BE THROWN OR HIT INTO THE STANDS. FOR EVERYONE’S SAFETY, PLEASE STAY ALERT AND BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS. ANY GUEST WHO IS CONCERNED WITH HIS OR HER SEAT LOCATION SHOULD CONTACT ANY CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE FOR AN ALTERNATE SEAT LOCATION.” Actual disclaimer taken from the bottom of the NY Yankees website.

UH DUH, YOU ARE AT A BASEBALL GAME BONEHEAD!!!!!

(Thinking to myself) Wait a minute……….you are telling me that I can request a better seat if I feel I am in danger of a fly ball at a baseball game? HMMMMM. I would feel much safer if I had a box seat right behind home plate. Thank you impaul.com for bringing this subtly to my attention and getting us box seats at the NY Yankee game!

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Since I am on my airline diatribe, let’s talk about airline customer service. I know, what more is there to talk about, it’s non-existent? No, it is not only existent you can actually pay MORE for the experience described in part 1 of this series. What do I mean? Well recently I booked a round trip ticket to attend my sister’s wedding. A week before my flight I had a job emergency (I travel a lot for my job so I am graced with many opportunities to pay for and experience airline customer service). Needless to say, I had to take a different carrier into the destination for my sister’s wedding but would be flying out on my originally booked flight after the wedding.

I contacted my initial carrier and clearly communicated my need to cancel just the first leg of my flight but I would be keeping the second leg active. The attendant quickly and graciously obliged my request. Too good to be true? Absolutely!! When the time comes to check in online for my last leg of travel, you guessed it … NOT FOUND.

I frantically try entering confirmation numbers, last name, “VIP” miles number, my freaking first pet’s maiden name … Nothing! So I call the “VIP” number, get harassed by an automated voice response system which refuses to allow me to connect with a live customer service agent. Finally, after 5 minutes of computer interrogation Jody answers.

“Jody,” I say in my most pleasant voice, “I spoke with Stacy last week who kindly assisted me with cancelling the first leg of my flight and keeping my 2nd leg active.”

Without missing a beat or even hearing what I had just said Jody methodically responds, “I’m sorry but you were a ‘no show’ for your first flight so we automatically cancelled your second leg. BUT, I can get you a new one way ticket for $605.00.”

In my most sarcastic manner I reply, “Jody, let me understand this correctly. I paid $178.00 for a round trip ticket which I proactively changed with one of your agents and you expect me to pay $605.00 for an error that occurred at your operation?”

Oblivious to the situation Jody replies “well it’s $605.00 plus … a $50.00 change fee.”

Many people wonder, why are airlines going bankrupt? Well one thing is for sure, they’re bankrupt on customer service. There’s a bit more to this story but to summarize, Jody agreed it was an error on their part, I ended up taking a different airline (which of course was delayed) and I now have a $178.00 credit to use on any flight with Jody’s employer of choice … minus a $50.00 change fee.

As I reluctantly walk up to the stern faced gate agent and make my request, I hear the ever so familiar “ma’am that will be a $50.00 change fee to get you on an earlier flight”. Forlorn I pay the fee and hustle to the gate only to be greeted by the all too common “delayed” sign next to the flight number that ironically matches mine, number for number. I exhale, shoulders slumped, head down, and drag my carry on to the gate. I take a seat and wait. An hour and a half later I am relieved to hear “ladies and gentlemen we will begin our boarding process shortly”. Tired, and contemplating why I paid a $50.00 fee to make it to my destination at the same time as my initial flight, I make my way to my assigned seat and squeeze my 115lb body in a seat that was made for a 9 year old child, squished like a sardine between two 250lb gentlemen.

The flight attendants do their normal drill that hasn’t changed for years and wonder why nobody is listening. (side note) I think the first question the flight attendants should ask “is this anyone’s first time flying?” If so, the monotonous hum drum “in order to securely fasten your seat belt slide the flat end into the buckle…” should be directed towards them. I mean seriously, if you can’t buckle your seat belt you should probably get the hell off the plane! Okay so I have digressed, back to  the boarding process. The doors close and we back away from the gate. But wait! We have been told we can not take off due to an air traffic control issue at our destination. So we sit and wait, no apologies or offerance (I made up that word) of a drink or refreshment. As a matter of fact, after we have sat on the tarmac for over 30 minutes and finally take off, we don’t even get a full soda! You get a cocktail glass stuffed full of ice ½ filled with your drink! If someone asks for anything more than their peanuts or ½ drink, the flight staff acts like they have been asked to donate a kidney. Finally I arrive at my destination, 2 hours later than planned, 30 minutes after my original flight and $300.00 dollars is all I had to pay for this adventure…plus a $50.00 change fee.